Revisiting Delhi

As the car moved through the crowded roads I realized how much the city has changed since I left it 3 years ago. All I could see were mounts and mounts of soil all around as the roads were being dug up preparing for the Commonwealth Games and/or for the ever expanding Metro network . The weather was pleasant. As we reached the gates of the colony I peeped out of the car window scanning the faces of passers by. No familiar face. Everything has changed. The daughters have been married off and the girls who have become part of the colony wouldn’t know me. I sat back feeling a bit lost.

As I climbed up the familiar steps one face that floated into my mind was that of P. It was exactly 5 years ago on this day that I saw her lying on her bed- quiet, motionless and at last peaceful . I glanced at her kitchen window. I could see her aged mother-in-law working there in the same old fashion. Memories filled me with mixed feelings of loss and relief. Loss because I shall not have her around to continue enriching my life. And relief because during her last days she had been suffering so much that seemed to be pushing her towards the end at a cruelly slow pace. But one thing I surely know that she is now resting with the angels above.

A welcomed me with a warm tight hug and it brought to my mind pictures of her coming to this house as an excited bride to start a life which she had been dreaming of for quite some time. The bright smile on her face assured me that her dreams are still not squashed.

I looked around the house. A has redesigned it so beautifully with that special touch of hers. Everything looked colourful and inviting. This house once so familiar, now appeared like a missing piece from a jig-saw puzzle! Curiously my fingers found the light switches effortlessly . Strange indeed is the way the brain takes a snapshot that never alters !

I could hardly sleep the night . I was itching for morning to come so that I could walk through the Lake Park and see those old familiar sights.Selfishly, you expect everything to be the same as it was how you left it despite you moving on. But this cold November morning I realized poignantly that no place on earth stands still in the face of time. I stood for a while staring down at the still waters in the lake below feeling warm and cosy with my memories.

Back home there were phone calls awaiting me from old friends , much to the ‘annoyance’ of A. “Now you are lost for us’, she said pouting. Giving her a quick peck I ran to pick up the phone and started dialing the numbers which I knew almost by-heart. We fixed up ‘dates’ to meet either over a cup of tea or for lunch, laughingly adding that it is going to be a grand-mothers’ day out …ha, ha….

But as I started dressing up I felt a bit unsure .., unsure of meeting my old friends. Will they be the same ? Will there still be the same sense of belonging ? Will we be able to pick up the threads from where we had left off … ? My thoughts were running wild. And I felt nervous.

Then came a quiet admonition from within “Isn’t it foolish to seek permanence in an impermanent world ?” And I remembered Budha’s last warning to his disciple "Impermanent, subject to change, are component things. Strive on with heedfulness!" Peace engulfed me and I walked towards the door determined to shelve my old memories and willing to form new ones…